About that writing class I took... the online scrapbooking one that I was so excited about.... "Telling Stories Deeply"... I never did it. Why would I do that?! I was really enthusiastic about it.. I downloaded all the materials... I went to the community board, introduced myself and looked around... I even did the preparatory list of possibly stories I might tell and printed out lessons 1 and 2,
but I never read them. (In my defense my back went out and I've been sick a lot in the last month... but none of these are truly a barrier to composition.)
Today the beginnings of something popped into my head, I opened up a word doc and quick as you please, had half a dozen sweet lines that captured something from my heart. Why am I like that? I think I am afraid to chase after things.
I am companion to, Emma, a very skittish kitty. We rescued Emma from a shelter, she is very friendly but also very shy. Even when she is dying for attention, if you approach her too quickly; or too noisily, or even LOOK like you are going to reach out to pet her; off she runs to hide under a bed or tablecloth or into one of the hiding places I do not know about. But let me be laying at my ease; dozing or watching a movie; and darn if that cat won't leave me alone! I can pitch her off my lap or grouch at her and she will not go away. It's all on her terms with Emma. I can coax and sweet talk her and persuade her to be cuddled if I really want to, but its a tentative, quiet cautious coaxing appeal.
I guess for me writing is like Emma. When I'm not looking for it, it lights in my lap and won't be ignored, but when I set out to pursue it I know it's to be a teasing business... I have to be soft and calm and coy, making my approach with peripheral vision. If I look straight at it, away it will bound into an unknown hidey hole, just like my shrinking cat.
I do have all the materials and I really do want to try the methods taught in the class... but I'm afraid to ruin this shy tentative relationship I have now. I don't know that I am ready to beat the bushes and search out under all the beds... perhaps it is better this way, at least it comes to me, even if its not on my terms.